Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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