Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
