OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
