i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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