I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
