sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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