I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
