i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He kissed a someone with a penis
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
