you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
