when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Welp...herpes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
