I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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