We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
