i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
