Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
