Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
time to smoke my breakfast
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
