I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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