she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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