Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
