i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
