I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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