Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
