Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
