This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
