man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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