Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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