Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
