Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
