all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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