girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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