yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
