I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
