Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
