Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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