I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
