I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
