She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have fence marks all over my body
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
