In the future we'll all be gay
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
