I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
