yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
