So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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