I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Will exercising make me less horny?
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