i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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