he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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