my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
