also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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