the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
