dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
