And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
