the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
