Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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