i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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