They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
