Can Purell be used as lube?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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