i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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