Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
