i was born a porn star she said
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
