Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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