I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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