She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
