Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
