I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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