My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
