My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
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Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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