Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think i have herpe
just one?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
