you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
