i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
