so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
