First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
