Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
