I am puke
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
