I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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