Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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