I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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