I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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