I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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