My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
