im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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