He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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