i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
