hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
