I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
